wasteland.
you make forgetting look so easy.

have realized that everytime im bored or stoned or just plain alone (rhyme not intended), i will go read fanfiction. good fanfiction. doesnt matter if its draco/hermione (my otp), albel/nel or seiftis. as long as its good, believable. even when the dhr runs out, i turn to other viable options such as fred/hermione, which are not my otps, but its better than other options anyway.

maybe its the whole idealistic fantasy thing that gets me. i really dont know. perhaps id really like to believe that in a proverbially evil world with death eaters and etc, miracles can still happen. its like a beacon of hope, shining from every single story. cliche or unrealistic, whatever. cuz there is always a chance it could happen.

i feel like i tend to romanticize everything in my life, make it pretty, make it idealistic. is that something naive, something foolish? or perhaps this world does need stupid fools that believe in the best of everything to work miracles and wonders.

after reading fanfiction, some part of me is strangely satisfied, like this fairytale is a possibility. arent i a little too old for fairytales? arent we all? do i keep believing in what could essentially be foolish pursuits?

this is getting too weird. i think im getting mood swingy, and if one knows me well enough, mood swingy me only means one thing; my ______ is coming. next week, i believe.

and if this was a LJ, id prolly friendslock it. who thinks i should switch at first opportunity. I SHOULD BE MUGGING HIGHER CHINESE DAMMIT kthxbye.

things i did on friday:-
-sigh that its the last day of school.
-excavate my locker. yes, literally.
-photowhored.
-trained.
-washed the toilet.
-waxed my legs for the first time in my life.

things i did on saturday:-
-litsem (oh the crossdressing ri boys)
-went for a makeover, via a voucher given to mom/me. pics up on fb in about 2 weeks i think.
-during makeover, eyebrows got trimmed. so i have trimmed eyebrows now.

things i did on sunday:-
-db training.
-sleep sleep and more sleep in the afternoon.

i should start starting on chinese. nowhere in the last 3 days has chinese figured in my plans. tomorrow then. fwah.

i hate having intensive hcl lessons, as (supposedly) useful as they are. i mean, i totally see the use of doing papers and marking them. what i dont see the use of is spending 1234567890 hours on going through almost every single question afterward, which takes up about three hours (plus the two hours of actually doing the paper) and also the compo discussion. which is useful. but by then, everyone is just SHOOT ME SHOOT ME NOW. so approx six hours is spent every day and about three is wasted cuz during the going through hardly anyone actually bothers to pay attention.

my class ladies choose to write letters, EAT, talk, whack each other and read the RI 2006 handbook which i donated to the deprived girls in my lovely class of 06IP03. best quote thus far, from arthi (otherwise known as farthi, farthur...etc): "the tamil teacher looks like shit." enter LOL. what a double entendre, darling.

anyways had the interview today, went very well. now time to /not/ flunk the tests. wish me luck. though i will miss my darling 06IP03. and i need to start mugging for next year, someone give me a damn booklist already. what with PW and five subjects and H3 choices and CTs and promos in the balance, there is no such thing as starting too early!

wtf.

but for now. hcl, yes i know. and facebook. and comics. and gaming. and books. they call out to me, and i gratefully reply. <3
thanks to grace for accompanying me today and offering me moral support. loves you!

i would like a love like this. (yes id do it for you)

my life is in turmoil. despite the enjoyable time ive had on sunday (nush's party) and monday (sentosa, omg), my life is officially in turmoil. such a coincidence that this coincides with the whole higher chinese crash period right.

okay allow me to spell it out for you all.
1) i got the ac interview. now i am going to go for it, and if i get it...my life will be further in turmoil cuz i do not know if i should stay or go. perhaps human relationships will win out (omg, 03) and ill stay. or perhaps pragmatism will win out (omg, ac's arts) and ill go. and what about the whole nj mugger culture thing here? its so ingrained into me that im even considering mugging for /next year/. CTs and promos and etc, theres so much to do!~ i dont even know if they mug at ac. or they do so only at a levels. i reeeeally dont know. (omg, me the mugger toad)
2) MY (and mysti) LITSEM PREZ IS IN JEOPARDY WE NEED TO START IT NOWNOWNOW ITS DUE LIKE THIS SAT KTHX.
3) stupid njc online KM CAAL rubbish. i havent even started on it and im supposed to do it like...by today. oh dear. crappity.
4) higher chinese suxxorz my soxxorz and boxxorz and etcxxorz, zomgxxorz.

and of course.
5) training. because its always on my mind. always. esp with masters this weekend, and plus OMG LITSEM PREZ DUE ON SAME DAY (SAT) GAAAAAH.

am now sighing and listening to emo music. like the song nush recommended, Eve the Apple of My Eye. it is so freaking sad that i cant help but feel sad so...yeah.
/sad.

i give myself two weeks before i croak. (hopefully before hcl o levels/litsem)

GAME RANT BELOW, JUNYI DARLING PLS READ.

shall not talk about grades today, im happy cuz despite the 5 Cs (actually 3 Cs and 2 C+s) (the 5 Cs are NOT car-condo-creditcard-countryclub-cash) i actually managed to avoid any crappy Ds or Us. and plus Junyi has kindly informed me that DW6 is coming out. fyi, this is the game that taught me EVERYTHING i know today about san guo yan yi. like all the battles, the characters, who died when where how etc. so im totally psyched and i fully decided to replay DW5. a game which i havent touched since probably sec 2. or maybe last year, when i was bored. but i def havent touched it for at least a year.

so i scrounged round for the memo card, and popped it in and omg apparently i was a freaking good DW5 gamer back then, now im like noobshit. floated through zhao yun's musou mode, normal mode. nearly died at the last battle, and then i noticed my saved game had a zhao yun musou at HARD MODE like OMG HOW DID I DO THAT.

i also realized id pumped zhao yun, yue ying, zhen ji and SSX up to max rank and max experience and max everything and o.O yes that takes a Very Long Time. i need to get that touch back! and there are so many people whose musous i fully want to replay. lets take a list here so i wont forget.

Shu
-Zhao Yun (but thats done already)
-Xing Cai (for fun)
-Yue Ying (cuz she rocks)
-Zhuge Liang (cuz his fan sucks)
-Ma Chao (hothothot)

Wei
-Cao Pi (cuz hes hot)
-Zhen Ji (shes hot)
-Zhang He (the ending vid is sooo hilarious!)
-Sima Yi (evil never was this cool)

Wu
-Sun Ce (hawtz)
-Zhou Yu (ditto)
-Sun Shang Xiang (cuz SSX rocks. like totally.)
-Zhou Tai (major power)
-Ling Tong (THE NUNCHUCKS)
-Lu Xun (cuz he looks like a pretty boy)

Others
-LU BU!
-Diao Chan (cuz im biased)

okay one can tell that despite me being a true blue SHU supporter, i kind of love Wu's characters the bestest. I MUST DO WU ZHANG PLAINS AND CHI BI. OMFG.

i think i shall start on Lu Xun tomorrow. once i finish up Pang De of Wei. who i played just cuz i hadnt finished his musou yet. gaaaah i am noobshit im playing at normal mode and im getting my ass pwned at fan castle the last battle for this musou.

WHYWHYWHY DO I HAVE TO KICK BOTH GUAN YU AND ZHANG FEI'S ASS. at the same freaking time? >.<>_> used Zhao Yun of course. managed to do it last time. shows how noobshit i am now >.<

san guo yan yi pwns. DW pwns. no one needs to actually find out anything about SGYY from mr y's canoe lectures, you can actually just ask me. (:

okay shall stop being spas. byebye. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO NUSH TODAY CUZ ITS PAST TWELVE AM NOW. LOVE YOU.

Junyi i want to marry Zhao Yun. >.< ahahaha.

grades suck balls. if anyone reading this doesnt have a C, ill be glad to supply you with one cuz i have like 4 of them thus far. the number threatens to go up to 5 with the inclusion of chinese. and im prolly gonna D econs.

what can i say. i tried. perhaps its a case of trying so damn hard but realizing that maybe its too damn late to start trying.

hugs and kisses help, sometimes. as does sitting outside in the corridor watching the world go by, blasting music from wl's phone and just talking and leaning on him/other people.

enough of crying, ive cried twice in the last three days and it doesnt feel good.
bye.

and in complete separate news,
this below is to a boy, from a long time ago.
you, you quite disgusted me with what you said today. sometimes...i have no clue if you know what you want. be content with what you bloody have, dammit. stop blowing hot and cold, and yes i found what you said insulting. suddenly i realize that i dont regret making the decision that i did regarding you.
guess what. i did what i ought to have done a long time ago, and finally deleted all your superficial emails before ass week. and its like something new has started.
cuz damn, i could do so much better.

omg today is tues and was my 2nd training back. yesterday i felt so fat and so Britney-esque that i could actually feel my fats jiggle while running, wtf. morn trng was okay-ish, afternoon land trng killed. at home my entire body was aching. fwah.

today i couldnt walk up and down stairs, sit down, get up, laugh, MOVE without pain. so now im vegetating on my bed especially after today's water training that ensures that im not getting up for anything other than a fire, flood, earthquake, typhoon, random life threatening disaster etc.

also today i officially became an IP kid (or maybe its too much hanging round nush HAHAHA) by crying my eyes out over results i havent even gotten yet to teachers. in fact the only results that are back are that of LA, and i got an overall A for that, so im covered. but im damn scared cuz im superrr sure i flunked chem/econs/calculus etc. >.<

zomgz my GPA.

okayokay tmr we get hist/econs/geog/calculus back. wtf man.
at least i warmed my tear ducts up today.
okay im off bye.

ass week is over tomorrow, and i can safely say thus far the only papers ive screwed up are calculus (this is pretty much confirmed, i pray they moderate) and econs (which i may have a SLIGHT chance of passing). oh please chem tomorrow, i hope i dont die. at least mr chia's math was pretty easy (: now ive to totally ace it or im gonna have to eat my foot when results come back.

mugging for orgasm organic chem. and the only thing on my mind is that hydrogen is such a whore cuz it bonds with everything.

AHAHAHA.
but thankfully stupid pickup lines like these have helped me remember my notes over the past few days. i mean, stuff like "whats your SINE? pi over two, so together we can be ONE!" have totally helped me remember formulaes and stuff.

i want to be your derivative so i can lie tangent to your curves.
i want to be your definite integral so i can be the area under your curves.
youre my modulus, you keep me positive.
i want to be adenine so i can be paired with U.
i want to be DNA helicase so i can unzip your genes.
let me be sin square x and you can be cos square x so together we can be one.
youre like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere.
if you let your acid react with my base, you can get 100 moles of my water and salt.
can i be your enzyme? because my active site is dying for a chemical reaction.

okayokay time to get off blogger.
/slaps self.
x friggin D.
ok byebye mugging now.

okay its wednesday and ass week is almost-but-not-quite done. lit bio econs geog hist physics is all over and all we have left is math math chem. so thats three more papers (yes we have 2 math papers, my life is in-freaking-credibly brilliant) (:

never have i mugged so hard for papers before. i think the only paper which i might fail is the chem paper and thats cuz i officially know shit about chem. but thats friday, so...now its time for math mugging.

thanks to the 03 darlings (esp nush) for helping this noob out with science and for class mugging sessions in the canteen. yay 03! eating my shrimp wontons and pasta soup now, im telling you that cooked food (from a packet/can, but nevermind...) tastes real good. (:

okay math math math math! youre now my new dardar kthx.