you can now tell that Mr Mathieu Tan the commando is a shameless niamsai (: whom i haven't seen since prom, like most other people. we ought to have a huge ass ACJC class of 2009 reunion or something! i was referring to my boyfriend, obvs. (miss him D:) anyway, in other news i spent tonight traipsing around singapore with yeehui tan, and yes, amusing times abounded. 'nuff said! then came home and had a great conversation with the bf on msn, i'm honestly glad he's becoming a little more talkative instead of me doing most of the talking hahahaaa! <3

today was shaping up to be quite lovely actually, as my sec 4s were cooperating and working hard during their tuition sessions and all, plus i end quite early (though i need to stay til later cuz of this thing called common dismissal time argh) and i'm going to stick's house later for our fun experiment so yes, it is (was) gonna be a good day.

then i received news that was horrible it crushed my soul and left me depressed through my sec 3 lesson. i know its 'a minor setback' (in the words of one of my mentors as i was whining to her) but its just well, when you've built yourself up so high and want something so badly, it kind of sucks when you don't get it, without even a glimmer of hope that it will be yours in the future. this also does not bode well for the future, i am doubting my abilities as a student and etc.

trying to snap out of it. this afternoon is gonna be awesome. tomorrow night is going to be beautiful. saturday night is gonna be marvellous. and sunday, damn its gonna be the best day of the week.

/edit: yuyun amuses me greatly. with regards to david and i, she was like: "the two of you have that 撒娇/调情 thing going on" and i was all, WHAT? i mean, my chinese is decent but uh i'm not that pro, really. gotta try improving! (anyone with a decent translation please tell me cuz she says she doesn't know the english equivalent.)

i've finally figured it out. the picture below is one of the many reasons why hwee and i are such good friends - because we tend to think the same way most of the time (: picture cut from a facebook event that we are both attending, and our pictures just happened to be next to each other :D (in separate news, i am currently suffering from insomnia and have a huge ass headache in school now, urgh.)

i do think THIS (yes click it) website about Aquarians describes me pretty well!

mm interesting weekend (went out with david on saturday and the family on sunday), i hate it when the week starts again because i have to put on my Face and add ten years to my age. also, i'm still trying to figure out if this teaching thing's for me. six years is a long time. especially compared to barely three months. i've never been stuck anywhere for six years before, not even primary school. not counting my parents' house of course.

current song: the saltwater room by owl city. (lovely duet!)
mood: pensive, vaguely cranky.

time together is just never quite enough
when you and i are alone, i've never felt so at home
what will it take to make or break this hint of love?
we need time, only time

when we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
if this is what i call home, why does it feel so alone?
so tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
all the time, all the time.

hey bitches its the day after my birthday and damn my birthday was awesome. after we got work out of the way, headed down to town to meet my girls stick and deb, and then we bummed at toast and ate/talked. afterwards we trotted around, bought some stuff etc before stick the niamsai had to go and then deb and i trundled to soup spoon to nom some dinner. we somehow ended up with deb's old nanyang friends (some of which were our old rgps friends) and then it turned into a huge ass gathering since they were celebrating shao's birthday (which was one day before mine) and we ended up drinking quite a bit and doing shots etc. i had an apple martini and a Screaming Orgasm shot which was pretty good really. ought to head to bed soon but i'm still riding on a high (:

was websurfing when i ran across this quote. its apparently rather popular, but who am i to know hahaha. before we get there though, its been a pretty fast week. way faster than last week, i don't know why. something horrid happened today, i lost something. i haven't lost anything (material) in YEARS. the feeling still makes me sick though. i honestly hate losing things, the feeling is worse than almost anything else in the world. lots of things to do before the week ends. (three things to be exact.) i know i can get past this. okay quote time.

The best part of having a relationship is getting to call the person or lay down next to them and tell them all the crazy things that happened to you all day long. And in the end that’s what it’s about, kids. It’s not about the sex, it’s not about the money that they give you or whatever. It’s not about how good-looking they are, it’s about, can they listen to you talk for hours and hours and hours about stupid shit that doesn’t matter. And if they can, then you’re meant to be together forever. —Tegan Quin

so, its been a great week full of new experiences! started the whole teaching gig, and its really beyond wonderful. i can't say i LOVELOVELOVE it, but i certainly am learning a lot and i do like it quite a bit. its certainly An Education, and the teachers i observe are really awesome people. rounded this lovely week off with a night out with p.chuan, and we ate dinner (he ate more) and just walked around and eventually we plopped somewhere and stared out at the skylights and talked about everything. it was really comfortable, kinda like slipping into a pair of old sneakers after a long day in heels. (:

spent saturday sleeping in and then went out to meet hwee and eventually we went for spanish lessons and wow this first lesson was great! we were quite confused at first, maybe we're not used to being students again, but in the end after we warmed up things really got interesting (: its a really small class size, like eight of us. i'm truly loving this so far. after that, met up with the 'rents and bought a ton of work clothes: two dresses, two skirts and a pair of pants. i'm hoping the week ahead gets better! :D i shall leave y'all with quotes from Bob Marley, for both guys and girls alike. uhh try not to read both cuz stuff overlaps so it ain't as special. if you're a girl just read the Girls one and if you're a guy, read the Guys one.

For The Girls:-
“ He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you. „

For The Guys:-
“ You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there. „

女: 每一天在你的怀里等待
男: 每一夜我感觉你的存在
男: 走过伤害
女: 我回头看
合: 是永远都灿烂的爱
女: 这一次我决定勇敢去爱
男: 这一次我陪你看到未来
女: So how do I live
男: How do I live
合: How do I live without you

RANDOM MUSINGS:-
ahhh i think i haven't been in a relationship for so long - approx 15 months - that i've sort of forgotten how to be in one! its just so weird sometimes and certain expectations have totally changed and its kind of like 'i don't remember this happening' or 'i remember /this/ happening' and its just really strange cuz its no longer an I but its a We. i make no sense and i'm sort of high on ice lemon tea (yea coffee AND tea have a really strong effect on me - curse caffeine) and despite the fact that i am stupendously happy i just i do think and question too much ahhh okay i'm rolling off now cuz i think i'm rambling bye.

well this week's been interesting to say the least! monday was spent out with hwee/chrys/honcheong, as we bummed around town and bugis. tuesday, wednesday and half of thursday were spent at NUS going through a training camp for the teaching internship programme, and i have honestly learnt a lot and am grateful for the facilitator who was sent because he was really experienced and had effective solutions to approach every problem. although admittedly, some problems can only be solved by experience! i'm still nervous about this whole teaching gig, but i feel that perhaps i need to ease into it and maybe things will get better after i get my confidence up. currently i'm scared as hell >_>

thursday was also david's birthday, so he's 20 now and i guess he's happy about it! its a nice number (: so we spent thursday night hanging out at timbre and fort canning, and it was pretty good. yeah i'm not going into too much detail here, but it was a great night :D :D :D <3

by friday i was pretty tired though, cuz i had been getting up early for just about four days in a row, and had to get up early again to meet yuyun who is fresh back from america and enjoying berkeley as hell. yea i'm dead jealous of her. haven't seen her in just about three years, and it was good to see (and hear) her again. the american accent is crazy strong, its a bit weird having this disgustingly tall asian girl who speaks english with a strong american accent and chinese with a strong china accent. i ended up relying on her for all my chinese needs through the day (: kind of ironic i know. we sat down and caught up, and it was just nice to hang out with her again!

then i went home and napped from 4pm to 8pm. was so tired after the non stop getting up early that i just crashed on my bed. had an awesome sleep and woke up to the dulcet tones of my mother bitching about my fin aid forms. the good news is that we're mailing them tomorrow so at least my mother won't be all pressured by them anymore. i love my mommy (: now to hope that i actually get in hahaha (:

tomorrow's my brother's birthday! he's turning 24, the old thing (: i mean, that's heading towards mid twenties already! kind of scary that my brother is growing so old. to me he's perpetually a teenager/young adult. and sunday's gonna be spent out with 2K geps, and monday is WORK. suat and i have vowed not to touch any coffee/tea/alcohol when we head out with the geps on sunday, cuz we've work the next day. its intimidating to know that my life is no longer as free as it once was! wish me luck, guys! (:

i never really understood why people would want to keep their relationships low profile, on the down low, keep it so that no one knows except a few etc. i feel that something that happy, that joyous, should be made known. now i don't mean in a museum gawk kind of way, or in a circus show kind of way, or in an overly shameless kind of way. (read: heidi/spencer. if you don't keep up with celebrity gossip, sorry. but they are a prime example of what NOT to do and how NOT to go overboard.)

what i mean, is that it ought to be known in the way that people would be happy for you, because you're so damn happy with the r'ship and you're so proud of your guy/girl that you feel like sharing it with the world. i admit that its integral to be able to find the balance between being like Speidi (heidi/spencer) and having your own privacy. to overuse an example (this is like GP), it would sort of be like Brangelina. they have their own damn privacy but people know about them and are happy for them (:

but yes. i think people in love should both shout it out to the world yet keep a certain level of privacy that only the two of them share. why am i blogging about this? cuz well, someone came up to me and told me to keep his r'ship a secret (he's dating a friend of mine. names cannot be divulged) because he doesn't want people to know. i agreed out of respect for the both of them, but i just can't fathom why. is it because they are the overly private sort? is it due to the newness of the r'ship? or maybe, insecurity that it may not last so they ought to keep it low in case that happens?

i don't know. but i am the demonstrative kind, dammit, and i don't give a shit if people call me shameless. it is what it is (: (by the way, this will be the least cryptic post i have ever posted in the history of this entire blog. do not expect this to happen again kthxbai.)

HELLO I AM DAMN HAPPY AND HIGH NOW (in contrast to my crappy pms-induced mood over the past few days) I THINK THIS IS BECAUSE OF THE COFFEE AND TEA I KEPT CHUGGING TO KEEP MYSELF AWAKE AND HAPPY IN NUS JUST NOW. ahh caffeine is my best friend, yo. (no junyi i'm not dumping you i swear you're still my BFF!)

maybe this is the secret to my new year's resolution of conquering pms: CAFFEINE. lubbb. guess it doesn't take much to make me happy? (: by the way, i really really really dislike present wrapping. i ought to hire my mom to wrap presents for me gaaah. or buy more of those two dollar el cheapo baggie things from daiso which equals to easy present wrapping for the lazy hahaha. (cuz you just put the present into the prettaye bag and seal it up! :D) only it doesn't work for box shaped things with pointy edges but works fantastically for soft objects. yeah i know i'm a bum when it comes to things like this lulz. okay bye.

its amazing how easy it is to hide things sometimes, even when one is not really trying very hard at all. it is at times like these when i think i ought to keep my options open when it comes to issues like these. (i know i'm being cryptic again lulz)
thanks isaac. you'll never see this, but i appreciate it anyway.
thanks for the ten minute phone call, and your willingness to drop everything to help me out. thanks for just being an awesome friend. i'll pray that you don't crash in jakarta hahaha. & maybe we'll go to Nice together someday (:

"I believe in pink.
I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing, kissing a lot.
I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.
I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.
I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles."
- Audrey Hepburn

(love Audrey Hepburn. that girl thinks almost exactly the same way i do :D)

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
for I am the baddest mother fucker in the God damn valley.

...lulz. if my mom saw this, she'd kill me.

thanks, paul. :D (i know you'll see this.)
omg i've been listening to a ton of jay chou and owl city lately.
new New Year's resolution: CONQUER PMS!

second post of the day.
current mood: FAHHHKING ANNOYED.
(i feel amazingly like chopped liver right now.)

ohmytian, bloody hell, shit on a rock, its 2010! its almost hard to fathom, really. if i was still in school, i'm sure i would still feel weird about having to write '10' instead of '09' as a calendar date on all my notes/worksheets/homework. yes, i calendar date all my stuff, i cannot understand why some people don't because it gets so messed up when you try to file everything.

got home at 2:05 am yesterday after an amazing countdown night out with the bf and i officially do not feeling like getting out of bed and have dialed the parents to go buy me food but they are currently at ion so it might take an hour for my food to arrive and the bro is out of the house and the bf is not texting back and i am talking to chrys on msn and for the strangest weirdest reason on the first day of the new year i am feeling completely and utterly alone.

wow. the last paragraph didn't have any punctuation in it apart from the full stop at the end. stream of consciousness writing for the win. gonna go slide off now, can't wait for hwee to get back from greece and for nush to get back from vegas.