thursday friday saturday, omg. everything's just flooding together and blurring away. had a great thursday afternoon with ryan, just sitting and having dessert (mango ice!) and talking for just about three hours straight. i got my korean dramas off him too, yeah. also remembered then that i still have the dreamcatcher he gave me from about three years ago, its still hanging over my bed only its crusted with dust now hahaha. too many nightmares stuck there perhaps? got an sms from chrys halfway through the meeting, so went out with her for dinner at J8 (:

friday was crazy shit, trotted over to nush's house after work and took a swim (took a float, more like) in her pool. also abused all the bath & body works stuff in her toilet hahaha (: in the evening, the both of us met cheryl and jonnyboy in town and proceeded to eat a ton of crap. for skinny people, they sure as hell eat a lot. my appetite used to be as good as theirs, but after i left canoeing i guess some things changed hahaha (: also got into NUS FASS and Fordham, but am too poor to go to the latter ): my mother opened my mail and called me to tell me, the kaypoh woman -.-

saturday was fun-o-rama xx and well, it was so good to meet up with the whole gang although i did spend like three hours of my life at the corporate gifts store though i had the acs barker rugby boys to help with getting customers' orders :D even the customers noted that they were being very useful hahaha (: after spanish, hung out with a ton of friends in order to celebrate chrys' early birthday! by time i blog this, it'll be her birthday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRYS.

had an interesting convo with joe on the cab ride home, i think i do have a lot to be grateful for. i feel so blessed now. things could have taken such a different turn really. this reminds me, i need to catch up with more people personally, i feel that i'm missing out sometimes. i hang with hwee and chrys pretty often, but seeing paul and joe again today was so strange cuz it was like a jigsaw puzzle that was messed up but its like its put together again (: we watched 'How to Train a Dragon' which is so cute and awesome wheee.

gotta go play at http://www.freerice.com now, i like how i'm improving my english grammar/vocab and spanish and helping starving people at the same time! and oh, this song has been resonating in my head, it kind of sort of mirrors life now. a little wee bit! ;)

you don't know about my past, and
i don't have a future figured out.
and maybe this is going too fast.
and maybe it's not meant to last,

but what do you say to taking chances,
what do you say to jumping off the edge?
never knowing if there's solid ground below
or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
what do you say,
what do you say?

blog reactivated. officially!
facebook reactivated. (still thinking about deactivating it soon though)
twitter still dead, sorry. i'm feeling lazy.
(yes as you all can probably tell by now i'm mostly over the emotional upheaval i had last week. things are still not completely okay but i'm more okay than i thought i'd be so i guess that's a good thing!)

things have been happening. i was just whining to felicia at work the other day about how i hate the feeling of being in limbo (and she agreed) and how we collectively dislike the waiting game. no choice in the matter i suppose, but i'll be so grateful once i've gotten some certainty into my life. anyway, i'm still in limbo but since now i'm being contacted and stuff i guess i'll not be in limbo for that much longer? haha, i hope so (:

took leave today anyway, for certain reasons. after responsibilities were over and done with, i spent part of the afternoon at the library with my dad! borrowed seven books. i actually need to use my brain to read five: jane austen's lady susan, jasper fforde's the eyre affair and THREE kurt vonnegut books. i love love love that man. wanted to pick up a few jonathan safran-foer books but they were all already borrowed ):

then i decided to pick up a couple of books i could just read for fun so i grabbed a random book by terry pratchett (one of my childhood staples, i loved reading him as a kid) and another random book by nicholas sparks. pretty good balance if i do say so myself (: dad obviously grabbed computer magazines and super thick photoshop books o.O went for driving afterwards omg i learnt so much today! new stuff for the win. i do think i'm a pretty decent driver (:

i'm really grateful for my friends, especially debs nush chrys hwee honcheong paul qx. they've been there for me through this entire week. debs and nush supported me through the worst times, which led to me being okay and everyone's like, "wow you seem quite okay" and i'm like "yeah it sucks but everything's cool" and honcheong's been texting me the most random things about his day while i'm at work which keeps me laughing. i am totally going to go to his POP (:

lunch meeting with ryan tomorrow, i'm pretty eggcited since he's passing me all these korean dramas etc (yes we're both sekret aunties) and it'll be good to catch up again. i stay true to what i've said before; life is beautiful, even in the shittiest times. you just need to search for the beauty in it (: i said this to debs as we floated about in the water at sentosa last wednesday, and this old angmoh guy heard me and smiled. (later, my mother discovered my two-piece in the shower later and she was like, "so skimpy!" but trust me, it's not as bad as she's making it out to be. when you're fifty plus, lots of things are skimpy to you.)

uhh. in other news. it would be so easy, so disgustingly easy to have a rebound right now. way too easy. but it wouldn't be fair to you; and as qx pointed out so sanguinely last night from twenty hours away, it wouldn't be fair to me either. so, we'll be friends. friends for now, and for always (:

and oh, talking about boys with my mother never fails to amuse me (:
AND I WANT TO WATCH 'HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON'. CALL ME BEEP ME IF YOU WANNA REACH ME.
also, i got skype! ask me for username thanks.

quote of the day:-
brother: hey is my nose well powdered?
me: ...what? O_O
brother: 'cause i've got pimples lah, so i powder my nose. see if it works.
-he strolls out of room. i am left thunderstruck in his wake. like, uh, wtf?-

/edit: another funny quote from a website that made me laugh out loud!

If the idea of screaming down an icy crevasse on a thin fiberglass snowboard sounds too wussy for you, snowkiting may be your huckleberry. Snowkiting instead involves flying up a mountainside strapped to a giant fucking parachute and allowing the laws of physics to have sex with your face.

i have deactivated my facebook account.
i will no longer tweet.
this blog is on a temporary hiatus.

i am just on a general electronic hiatus as of today. please text me, or go on msn (i will be on less frequently) to talk to me. the only reason why i am not quitting msn is because some of my closest friends are a 20 hour flight away, or a 5 hour flight away, and msn is the only way we can communicate properly.

it is highly likely that this hiatus will be temporary, as when i go to university i will have to reactivate my facebook account to add friends and everything. okay the reason for all this? i have had a major emotional upheaval lately, and i think this is really for the best. this will allow me to know who my real friends are; the ones who take the time to talk to me and make the effort to keep up the friendship and strong relationship that we share.

so, what's your definition of friendship?

/edit: i reactivated facebook, because my brother wanted to write something on my wall. i laughed when i saw it, i honestly truly did. maybe this is what family's all about huh? (: i'll deactivate the account again soon enough, maybe in a week or so. just want to leave the wall write up there long enough so i (and maybe a few other people) can get our shits and giggles out of it. remember guys, OUR FUTURE IS SO BRIGHT WE GOTTA WEAR SHADES.

you don't know me, you don't even care,
she said, you don't know me, and you don't wear my chains
she said i think i'll go to Boston
i think i'll start a new life,
i think i'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
i'll get out of California Singapore, i'm tired of the weather,
i think i'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain

i think i'll go to Boston,
i think that i'm just tired
i think i need a new town, to leave this all behind
i think i need a sunrise, i'm tired of the sunset,
i hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice

Boston, where no one knows my name.

spent friday morning at orchidville, friday afternoon at nush's house watching movies and drinking kiwi milk freeze, and friday evening/night with my homeboy nick (: who was in a TANK fixing it when i called him. we ate at soup spoon and nua-ed at borders and the nut bought like 3 books, including one crazy thick and expensive econs book. i bought Sophie's World, which i always meant to read but never really had the time to. no excuses now huh (:

spent saturday with my girls hwee and deb, having trippytimez at the shisha place in bugis. was the first time for both of them so it was quite a relaxed, introspective moment (: plus the shisha place has procured a white cockatoo since the last time i was there, and so we petted it for a bit.

pensive thoughts: today i made eye contact with a stranger whom i'll never see again on the train. it was short, it was brief, it was kind of intense and almost magical. we just stared at each other like deer caught in headlights for a couple of seconds before the person turned around and left the train. one of those connection things you see in the movies, only in real life its so much better. it left me feeling kind of empty before i realised i had to get to spanish class.

i think people should look into each other's eyes more often.

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia.
After you do, he'll never phone you.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

Don't tell me what is all about,
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out,
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You get enough tears to fill an ocean
That's what you get for your devotion.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow.
So, for at least until tomorrow,
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

Interesting song, just popped into my head. I promise I'm not being cryptic, and this doesn't necessarily reflect anything in my life now or whatever, I just find it an interesting song. Its one of those songs that makes you think. Oh yes, do visit http://www.makesmethink.com!

(Please note title of this blog post - BEST SONG EVERRR. Kinda!)

CAN'T WAIT FOR THE WEEKEND! Funtimez with Nush on Fri, possible joint belated b'day celebrations on Sat and March holidays in the week ahead! Though I do need to head back to school for two days for my dear Sec 4s but that's cool (: I still miss my bf, can't meet up this week due to his work commitments and whatnot but as Westlife would say, "Heeeey Whatever!" Lots of things to do: scholarship stuff, mass document sending to unis, tons of going out and we still have that overdue clubbing with HC and phone call to Nick D:

Orchidville with my fellow colleagues tomorrow! (: Staff learning journey ftw.

/edit: Oh crap I forgot to thank Jianwen for the surprise chicken burger he left on my desk yesterday! Such a lovely surprise especially after three periods of non stop teaching, plus I was getting rather hungry! (:

i am feeling terribly sick and lethargic, so i am currently plopped in the staffroom bundled up (yet again for the second day in a row) in david pang's oversized and supposedly anti-establishment (or so he says, the jacket's really from zara) black jacket. i am marking vocab worksheets and feeling like shit. have to help invigilate a chem test later in the afternoon so hope that works out fine.

this cheered me up though! song is called 'I take a look at my enormous penis' and i am beyond amused by it. hahaha (:


checked out this website yesterday thanks to hweester posting it on twitter, and its beautiful. go see for the most beautiful pictures of scenery, its very calming and makes me wanna travel all over the world (:
I WANT TO GO TO THERE.

just applied to NUS last night, so yeah that's two local universities down and i don't think i'll be applying to any more. plus, spazzed out last night sending grades to overseas unis via email, and thus far only like 2 out of 5 have confirmed the receipt of grades so i guess we're waiting on the other three. speedmail might have to be an option ): also, this week, the bf has been tremendously busy and we've barely talked, so yes its a bit sadface but its something i guess i have to get used to right. i miss my bf D:

sliding back to work now. i still feel like shit. turning into a pill-popping freak. three pm please come quickly i really need to get home and rest ):

Blair: Are you upset because you kissed a guy?
Chuck: I’m upset because it’s somebody that wasn’t you. You really think I’ve never kissed a guy before?
Blair: Love me?
Chuck: Always.

i ♥ this.

had a great sunday (: went to church in the morning and then accompanied the parents to the supermarket where we got pancake mix so i hope my daddy can make awesome pancakes for me in the morning for breakfast now hahaha.

went home to take a short nap before heading out to island creamery to celebrate stick's birthday with stick (obviously), chrys, hwee, debs and long div! we only hung out for about two and a half hours but really those two and a half hours seemed pretty long, it was like time was expanding or something which is quite amazing. or maybe that's the case cuz time seems damn long when you're waiting for late people and stick was like half an hour late lol. we ate a ton of ice cream and now my throat is killing me again. (its been annoying for a couple of days already, gahhh. i don't care, i'm so not changing my diet to suit my damn throat. as evidenced from the laksa, milo, fast food and ice cream i took over the weekend!)

so we got stick some really awesome presents! (read: spongebob pens and jingyan sex doll. don't ask, must see picture to understand hahaha.) ran into quite a few people there too, including zach who works there (and served us a slice of mud pie) and nush who was there with her cousins and not dressed in her usual slob fashion! i was dressed like a slob though haha, much like yesterday's t-shirt and shorts. only my t-shirt today said 'two boyfriends are better than one' (got lots of laughs and flak for that one) and i was carrying my sheep bag (:

then after the funtimez, i took a bus down to j8 to meet the extended family for dinner, and halfway through nick smsed asking if i had time to talk but i couldn't until later, then by time i got home and showered, he had gone to sleep (cuz tomorrow is book in or something) and it was funny cuz i missed his zzz time by like ten minutes hahaha but oh well. looks like my late night study buddy doesn't do late nights anymore cuz of army lol (: i don't really do late nights anymore either due to work commitments so yeah.

then honcheong said last night damn a lot of ac kids had gone to zouk hahaha oh well next time i guess (: i think next week's gonna be both tiring and awesome at the same time. MARCH HOLS ARE COMING SOON OMG and well quite a bit of stuff lined up for next week, i think i really need to start making the effort to catch up with more people! (i am also still quite blur as to what to do with my life. because i unexpectedly did well, suddenly all these doors are open for me. and i don't know what to do. grah, konfusing ): need to start figuring life out.)

before i start on my post proper, i would like to say that nush's post on my tagboard is freaking funny and i honestly laughed out loud when i saw it. we're amazing together (:

okay so saturday started out rather fine, went to trim my hair and now i feel like there is a load off my head hahaha the length is more or less the same-ish, but well its much thinner and more layered now which is what i was looking for cuz my hair was getting so thick and tangled that it was honestly getting rather annoying (: went for espanol afterward and then hwee and i spent the night strolling around the bugis/dbg region and we eventually ended up at Emily Hill which is very very very ulu but yes fun exploring timez (: on our way from bugis to EH (which is near wilkie edge which is near the cathay which is near dbg), we passed by chijmes and smu and ran into isa and kelly and it was so nice to see them again (: especially isa cuz i haven't seen him since prom and well, he's still as big as ever. we cracked a couple of mat/minah jokes (hey between isa and i there is no chinese/malay colour difference okay, we are colourless people!) and then eventually separated to go our own way.

hwee bought me bubble tea after our arduous trek so yes i was a very happy tiff indeed. consider that we walked almost non-stop from 6pm to 9:15pm (with a 45 min stop for dinner) and we had to go up a freaking HILL and yes. i was damn tired hahaha. got a text from honcheong inviting me to zouk tonight at midnight but ahhh couldn't go cuz of church the next morning. maybe next time (: i'm not really the clubbing kind but the occasional uber late night out is always fun. met the 'rents at around 9:30pm and went out for supper (lor mee) and now i am back! and inundated with emails from facebook and etc. feeling very very grateful and blessed now!

okay off for more nua timez! :D

MIRACLES HAPPEN.
(going out with bf in a bit! see y'all laterrr.)

well. another post for today. sore throat has gotten worse, after straining it with the sec 2s this morning ): its hard to control 58 of them thanks. maybe the class splitting will have to be put into place, really, because i don't think i can go on like this. also somewhat depressing. anyway, semi-fell sick today, with sore throat and head/nose/ears feeling stuffed. was also constantly sneezing and sniffing. david pang says these are falling-sick symptoms and gave me ibuprofen, which is apparently this ultra strong pill that is prescription-level in singapore (he bought his from aussie) so well i think i'm feeling better now! (though sore throat still remains)

was coughing up a wee bit of blood too. oh dearie me. also went for dental today and the dentist was bloody thorough with my teeth. so thorough that ten minutes after i walked out i was still spitting blood. and even left bloodstains on the cup they give you to gargle. yes i know that's kind of gross, i think so too ): but well, at least now i have awesome teeth, if that's any consolation.

i also have no clue what to wear tmr. i want to be comfortable but it can't be too informal because i (unfortunately) still have to go to work tomorrow. mother mentioned during dinner that she doesn't think she can sleep tonight (like lol, who is the one getting results back ah?) and might have to take sleeping pills. because apparently, i tend to be rather 'exam-unlucky' as evidenced from my erm, PSLE. still remaining chill and trying not to freak out. so thus far i feel fine, and not panicky but this probably will change the minute i go into the hall, or when i'm on my way to school or something. going out with the bf tomorrow night, and felicia says its probably a good thing because "you win both ways! if you do well then you two can celebrate but if you do badly at least there will be comfort." hahaha i didn't really know what to say (:

okay i'm off to do some Sekret Important Things now. bye.

warning: slight rant ahead.

today has just taught me something with regards to my future i guess. i still don't really know what i want to do for the rest of my life, which kind of worries me some. every time i get an idea into my head, it doesn't really pan out because i have all these big, unrealistic dreams. and i don't really think they're feasible. i mean, i want to work for the UN someday, or one of its subsidiaries like UNESCO or UNICEF and i know i need to be capable and everything, plus be able to deal with bureaucracy etc, and i don't know if i'm good enough.

so, this teaching thing. something happened today, and it wasn't very good, and i don't want to feel too down about it but somehow i can't help myself. my sore throat is getting worse 'cuz i spent fifty minutes straining and trying to project it against 58 sec 2s. linking to that, i didn't get particularly good feedback about some stuff (this is a public domain so i don't want to say too much). so i really need to either pick myself up from this or decide this isn't for me. its amazing how i feel more confident about confiding this story to a motley bunch of my dear sec 4s (six of them) as compared to anyone else close in my life.

so i've decided. if by God's grace, i happen to be led into teaching then that will be it, that's my signal that i ought to throw myself into it wholeheartedly. sort of like an affirmation of my abilities, 'cuz currently i'm really doubting myself. but if i don't get it, then i guess c'est la vie and i shall devote my life to doing other fulfilling things.

and maybe the UN thing might work out after all. /shrugs.

if i could label any day as an 'average' day, this would be it. this was such an averagely average day that i honestly can't remember anything particularly memorable about it. apart from eating the once-a-week nasi lemak from the canteen stall and nua-ing at jianwen's desk while helping him key in math marks into the school cockpit. and eating one third of his chicken burger (: got home, napped, woke up, dinner, did some shit, and now i'm here. siiigh. farmed facebook, saw this, makes sense i guess. if one's a cynic? (: hello ele, if you're reading this!

tomorrow. another average day, perhaps? i've got dental in the afternoon so well, even if everything screws up on friday at least i'll have nice teeth! (: trying to stay positive, and trying not to think about it. i think the bf must be quite sick of hearing about a) me whinging about a levels/scholarships/uni and b)me whinging about my fats. haha i guess it comes along with the job scope...? and mm friday. the main event aside, i guess it'll be awesome to see some people again. and not-so-awesome to see other people. but well, you take the good with the bad! sliding off now, lalala. also need to a) do espanol homework and b) finish scholarship apps and c) study FTT. gaaaah.

/edit: erm, interesting link. its slightly not safe for work but i think all guys ought to take a look? hahaha. yes here it is. C'mon, Gimme One More Try!: Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Female Orgasms