i might get your heart racing in my skin-tight jeans
be your teenage dream tonight
let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans
be your teenage dream tonight

so, it's sunday and i don't feel like it's sunday maybe cuz my saturday was so amazing that i was laid out for most of sunday so time's kinda slow for me right now (: went for the warwick singsoc orientation, and got to see the rest of the peeps who are gonna be my schoolmates for the next three years. it started out pretty slow at ECP on saturday morning, and the ice breakers were quite lame. i resorted to going up to cool-looking people (cuz i assumed they'd understand) and saying FAT PENGUIN. they'd usually give me a quizzical look, during which i'd smile sheepishly and say the punchline: oh, that was just to break the ice.

okay it sort of worked. kind of. hahaha. the fun only started after we were broken up into six smaller groups and started playing afternoon games. five in total, which were more tiring than i thought they'd be. my group's awesome though: andrea jaclyn evan marcus cheekeen mark, and our ogl jessica (: they were all really nice and i think we really bonded after all those nutty games. plus, cheekeen's doing the same major i am doing in warwick, so it was really exciting to find a fellow PAIS friend! some of the games were really messy (fine, most of them were) and we ended up at the end with bits of papaya/whipped cream/egg on us and some of us were smelling of raw chicken and/or soaked with sea water. so after showering, we bummed a bit before going for our night cycling fun at 10pm (:

well, that's when i ended up with three new people! vincent, marc and sam. well admittedly i knew vincent and sam from before this entire thing, but marc was new. sort of. apart from the fact that i knew he was also from acjc, so we started reminiscing about our days in ac and then i discovered that his younger sis was in my year. i sort of suspected anyway, the surname was a dead giveaway. (for the record, it's malone. guess whoooo, acsians!) then the whole trip was full of good conversation and funny jokes til two point five hours later when we got to lau pa sat and chomped down on carrot cake + char kway teow + satay + tehping. and then we cycled back, and reached ECP again at around 5am.

admittedly we were damn stoned by then so everyone just sort of sat around til 6am (no more midnight surcharge for cabs) in order to go home. but i was lucky and one of the guys, charles, drove me home cuz he too lived near my area. so all in all, i stumbled home at 6:30am and then showered and fell in bed at 7am. all in all, an excellent saturday! :D

I AM DAMN EXCITED TO GO TO WARWICK NOW. SERIOUSLY.
so many events to go for now! warwick summer games + imperial college's UK bound freshers event @ zouk + group six outing + mentor outing! and that's just warwick stuff; i'm sure if i added the rest of the ac/nj/dhs/mindef friends into the loop + packing/pre-dept stuff, my last month in singapore is going to be so so so busy and so so so amazing (:

oh, interesting quotes of the day!
someone, while night cycling: i think my balls are bruising, man!
(fine, i know who it is, but i just won't make it public here hahaha)

sam: i bet you'll get one at warwick before i do.
me: uh, what?
sam: well, you know. houseflies.
(okay this one's a little bit harder to understand if you don't have the context, but basically she was referring to...suitors. >_>)

oh, my tian. had the best evening ever. i know i tend to say this a lot, but really. today was one of the best evenings i've ever had in a really long time!

met up with debs, finally. ate damn a lot. like, had salmon at swensens first before going to soup spoon to have a bowl of soup. and then to mos burger to have a cup of soup and a grape soda.why did i eat so much? probably cuz i hadn't eaten anything today and was positively starving. so, while tearing a swath through my various meals, debs and i had the best conversation ever.

it was just so happy and so reminiscent of our old days, and neither of us could really stop laughing especially when we'd drop an internal joke every now and then into our conversation. for example, the title of this blog post. yes, that's one of our internal jokes (: i'm going to miss her tons when she's off at RISD but again, i'm really proud she managed to make it into the best art college in the states. that's my girl (:

we also talked a bit about college, and about our old school days. especially about geography, cuz i think some of our best memories were made there, despite the fact that in our two years there we didn't do a single tutorial and did a total of less than five essays. (debs claims its less than three.) we'd just plop down in tutorials and pass notes/chat/fall asleep (; yes, we attribute both our As to the wonder of the geog notes & some of the lecturers which completely saved our asses. laziness ftw (:

finally i dropped her off outside Borders, because she still had packing to do. and then i wandered into Borders with the intention of plopping down for abut half an hour of reading before going home. and then suddenly just as i strolled in, i magically saw BMF! and pak, and ying and del! (and three other people whom i didn't recognise straight off.) yes, apparently i had suddenly stumbled across a CAP gathering (: so we sat at starbucks, and caught up for the next hour or so, before BMF kindly drove some of us home (: he still remembers where my house is, despite it having been like a year since he last drove me home. thanks dude (:

so, thanks to this wonderful concept of happenstance, that allowed me to catch up with some of the best people i've ever known in my life. especially for running into the CAP peeps because i haven't seen some of them in years! thanks to debs, and them, and paul (who magically texts whenever i need him without me needing to say anything, he must be psychic. but he got me through today afternoon, so i'm grateful) and well, just had a wonderful wonderful day with some of the loveliest people ever (: (: (: we'll catch up again soon, definitely!

last date with kenny on tuesday before he flew off very early this morning. it was this nostalgic mix of happy and sad, although admittedly step up 3d was really good. he really liked his presents so i guess all that last minute shopping with paul on monday paid off.

peeled myself off the bed to talk to him at around 4:30am but i don't think we had much elucidating conversation cuz he has to go through customs and board the plane and whatnot. he just called to say he's safe in japan about three hours ago, so i suppose he's on his way to the states right now.

i've been in bed all day. i'm supposed to go out and meet debs in about 3 hours so i really need to get some stuff done before that. i recognise the signs though, this is not the first time i've felt like not leaving my bed. definitely a sign of _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. play hangman if you want, there are 4 vowels in there, and the word starts with a H and ends with a K.

and again, because i recognise the signs, i realise it will take me about one month (maybe two) and a lot of willpower to get over this. and it's a bit ironic because i guess this thing will only settle itself 1-2 months from now.

this whole thing is so imba right now.
warwick sg orientation this weekend though, i hope that cheers me up some.

had the most bum day ever, especially since i woke up at some crazy late timing. got some work done (yes, the kind that brings in a salary, i decided i ought not to sit around and bum too much since i've been doing that a lot since i left my job at the end of May) and then went out for dinner with paul. we haven't had a tiff-paul outing in so long, so this one was kind of overdue. i find that dinners with paul tend to be quite funny and fraught with extremely quotable moments.

[outside astons, as we are stuck in an increasingly burgeoning queue, paul starts complaining and whining about how hungry he is]
tiff: KEEP HOLDING ON~
paul: ...because you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through?
tiff: :D

[after i called him 'hoity-toity', and used dictionary.com to prove it was actually a word]
paul: you have that look of maddening superiority on your face now. and that smirk!

and then after dinner he decided he absolutely has to have a paddle pop and so we comb half of orchard road trying to find his paddle pop before eventually finding it at some ulu 7-eleven tucked in the corner of town.

but of course, i always have the best times with paul (:

have spent the whole day just slowly dying in bed.
just stab me already, why don't you. it'll hurt less.
have just peeled myself out of bed to go shower.
heading to airport soon to say goodbye to one of the best girls i know.
no one said it would be easy.
but no one said it would be this hard.

looks like i have to take up those clubbing/drinking invites in september.
it's better to be numb than to feel anything at all.

in an effort to make this line the only un-emo line in the whole of this post, i shall now declare that i have been invited to the first warwick party of my schooling career (from 10pm to 3am the next day)! eggcite. october cannot come sooner, dammit.

getting back to my old ways of coping with loss, and lonely late nights. have headed back to reading lovely fanfiction and blasting music. currently burying myself in some pretty good Fred/Hermione fics (: (: (: and listening to Vanessa Carlton because damn, she's gorgeous and oh-so-awesome.

it has also struck me that my life currently almost mirrors White Houses, oh my. and Pretty Baby just sounds so beautiful and happifying. the guy in her Pretty Baby video is called Brendan Fehr and he is...quite hot. i don't know, curly hair makes me squeeee. which would explain why i love Ryan Lochte so much.

to all stalkers: yeehui flies tomorrow on EK 405! please ambush her at the airport thanks. give her many hugs and all the love she can carry. i will then proceed to attempt to stuff myself into her hand luggage. hahaha.

every single word and every single passing day is like a gentle slow freezing of the heart as you slip away silently into the night. six hours battling, to culminate in that moment as i cried myself to sleep last night. this will not happen again.

also, yeehui flies away tomorrow night.
you're one of my best girls, and i'll miss you so much.

& you'll always have been beautiful, once.

award ceremony: over. look out for me on CNA or straits times. or actually, please don't. the interview was kind of weird for me, i am not too fond of cameras and public speaking. i'm glad that this entire pre-departure thing (with obs and brunei and safti and various security briefings and the actual 3 day course and me getting so very well acquainted with every area and nuance of MSC) has culminated in this very moment and that it is finally over. clifton's flying off in 4 hours, another person here and gone in fleeting moments. sigh.

actually i came on to write and spill about two things. one: yeehui's awesome post. (click for the link.) girl, i hope you don't mind me putting it up here, the main purpose is for me to revisit it every now and then hahaha. i enjoyed going through it so much.

two: griping session. i shall be cryptic about this, as usual. as per my normal griping sessions, this obviously refers to a specific incident. yes i am being a complete girl by being vague, but sometimes we all need to gripe, so here goes.
i feel sometimes, that i have to live up to this ideal. an ideal that seems to me, is so perfect, so unreachable, so beautiful, that sometimes i feel almost inadequate trying to fulfil it. of course, some will tell me that i don't need to fulfil it, that it's two completely different things, but inevitably there will be comparisons. and with comparisons (subconscious or otherwise), there will be judgment. furthermore, along the way, there are the occasional feelings of being taken for granted, and perhaps even being put near-last because well, i suppose i'll always be there.

many midnights make me melancholy.
(my last attempt at alliteration.)

i haven't blogged in a while, so i'm just going to start from nowhere instead of rehashing everything that has happened from the last time i blogged. which, trust me, is rather substantial. had a lovely day with hwee and paul, but i suddenly felt the need to come write. i guess it's because i just read The Quiet World by Jeffrey McDaniel, and that poem is so poignant it makes me want to cry. especially the ending: "After that, we just sit on the line / and listen to each other breathe."

the reality of this poem struck me (although the context is totally different): this could be my life soon. the farewells are looming on me. div's gone, becky's off later today, then hwee & bern, and kenny, and debs. and to an extent, i'm really happy for them because they're really excited about what lies ahead, and i suppose it would be the case for me when it is my turn to go as well. but some part of me can't help but feel some apprehension about going; excitement tinged with sadness for what/who i'll be leaving behind, and it's what's keeping me from really being happy for the people who are going.

poetry breaks my heart sometimes. especially when i read Neruda's stuff. i'm just focusing on making as many memories with the people i have with me right now, before we all separate and leave each other behind. but then again, i suppose i should be happy that we have singapore to come back to (whether for scholarship bonds or family or whatnot) and that we'll definitely see each other again someday.

i should go to bed now.