I am a fortunate person, I have it relatively easy in life. I have decent grades, am somewhat intelligent, am not ugly, am in a great school doing a great course, have amazing friends and family, and the world's best boyfriend. Yet I do not know why I am sitting up here alone at night while the entire family is sleeping, pondering why I feel so empty inside.

It started out as a wonderful day, but somewhere towards the end, I suppose it turned a bit sour due to my own raging emotions. I suppose if there is something I have realised, it is that I have become far too dependent on others. Think about it. It's depressing to realise, but for example if I hold XYZ in high esteem as a friend and would pretty much do anything for him/her and put him/her first if he/she needed, would XYZ do the same for me? I am not being calculative and saying that every good thing I do for a friend ought to be paid back, because that is definitely not how friendship or relationships work. I'm saying that, if one needed, how many of your friends would drop everything for you?

That is the kind of friend I aspire to be, but yet some selfish part of me wonders if it would be returned at my greatest hour of need.

I feel like jumping off a bridge right now.

Ah Tiff, it is a dangerous road you tread. And now we come to a fork in this road; one back to (relative) safety and another that straddles the fine line between safety and the alternative.

Well, I was always a risktaker.

When my mother told me to read up for next year and I told her I was working on my Sociology optional module and in particular, violence and feminism, I don't think she meant for me to spend hours reading Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfiction.

Hehehe (:

In separate news, I spent my day talking about boys (I ought to open a counselling business really) and my night going out with Warwick peeps. Finally saw my elusive boyfriend for the first time in a week, and it was like everything just fell into place again (:

Well hello, Singapore. Been back for a couple of days already and honestly it's been a bit of a whirlwind. On one hand it's so lovely to see my friends and family again, and to taste some of the food I haven't had for the last nine months. It's also nice to take the MRT again, the transport system here beats the London tube any day. So nice and clean and air-conditioned, and the journey is comparatively faster, though that can prolly be explained by the fact that London is huge and S'pore is weeny. Bu I thik getting a seat on the tube is easier than on the MRT, people are more chill on the tube while everyone chiongs for a seat on the MRT which can get a bit annoying because you see perfectly able bodied young men running to grab a seat ahead of some old auntie. After a while I just prefer to stand, especially for short journeys to town or something. On the other hand, I have discovered that I absolutely detest S'pore weather. Have taken to showering twice a day and washing my face way more often.

Phone is a bit cranky of late, think it's cuz of Singtel because my iPhone was perfectly fine in the UK. Trying to get it fixed but it's really annoying when I can't send texts or when people message me but I don't get the message. Like wtf argh. Also have barely talked to the bf since we touched down, apart from sporadic messages and the very very occasional skype (try like, two skype conversations. Not even calls/video calls, but just typing). I don't think we're very good at this technology relationship thing cuz we're practically been living together and when we use our phones to contact each other, it is more of like a cursory 'Hi where are you' call/text which doesn't last very long so I guess we're not too used to doing this. All the same, it's weird and I'm not too psyched but I guess we have to figure it out.

In the meantime, having a great time with my old friends. Appreciate them so much more nowadays, because I have known life without them in the UK and really, it gets kind of lonely sometimes without your bestest friends there for you. I love you guys (: