I am a fortunate person, I have it relatively easy in life. I have decent grades, am somewhat intelligent, am not ugly, am in a great school doing a great course, have amazing friends and family, and the world's best boyfriend. Yet I do not know why I am sitting up here alone at night while the entire family is sleeping, pondering why I feel so empty inside.

It started out as a wonderful day, but somewhere towards the end, I suppose it turned a bit sour due to my own raging emotions. I suppose if there is something I have realised, it is that I have become far too dependent on others. Think about it. It's depressing to realise, but for example if I hold XYZ in high esteem as a friend and would pretty much do anything for him/her and put him/her first if he/she needed, would XYZ do the same for me? I am not being calculative and saying that every good thing I do for a friend ought to be paid back, because that is definitely not how friendship or relationships work. I'm saying that, if one needed, how many of your friends would drop everything for you?

That is the kind of friend I aspire to be, but yet some selfish part of me wonders if it would be returned at my greatest hour of need.

I feel like jumping off a bridge right now.